Why

Why do I think that my greatest joy isn't for what it is, but of what it could've been in the presence of a her. I wish to enter the priesthood forsaking all chances of having a one and only despite all the grievances. These grievances that I have, towards myself and my lack of preparation and discernment, lead me to doubt whether I can trust the gifts that the Lord has given me to provide me contentment in this life with the hope that by serving Him well, I will be content for all eternity. By His saving grace, can this world be the one where I forsake all this for the girl that will satisfy my heart's desire, a half to be filled? Or the other desire, as it always was meant to be, which is to leave it empty and receive the crown of heroic life sacrificed for all else. A classmate keeps on asking, am I really entering the priesthood? A tita keeps on asking, what will you be when you grow up? a friend asks, when will u enter? I have no clue even of the faintest of God's weaving. I just want to be the happiest man on earth even if I have to sacrifice all glory, all joy, as long as God bids it true, I wish my freedom well: for I have lost it to my own vanities and frailties.

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